theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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