Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
