I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
