I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
