Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
