Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
