I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
