fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize