It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize