all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
