That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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