I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we're making bets on your personal life
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
