I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
