yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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