Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
