then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
