i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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