im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
