You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
