I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
