I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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