it hurts more in the daytime
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
