Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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