Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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