So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
