On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think I am morally bankrupt
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
