So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I can't put those talents on a resume
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
