so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
