She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I could fuck to npr.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
