you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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