I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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