You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
