Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
