Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
