I think I am morally bankrupt
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I intend to get homeless drunk
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Houston, we have a squirter
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
