Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
