"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
