Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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