so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
