well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
