I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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