i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
