u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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