life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Drunk is not a location!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dear god my vagina.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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