the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
my poor anus
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
