if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
