You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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