He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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