my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
