sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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