fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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