Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
