I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
