So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
