I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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