why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
