Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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