By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize