Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
