After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
