Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
handjob tips. give me some.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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